BUT, "someone" just sent me a message this morning via facebook accenditly.
"I know you will not reply my message and I just wanna apologize for my rudeness to you. I wish you gong xi fa cai and happy new year." He wrote. I read it while I was still lying on bed.
The first question came to my mind is "If you obviously know that I am not going to replying, why bother to write?" I was kinda angry at the beginning.
"You should simply get out of my life! Never ever show in my life again! You know how hard it is for me to forget you? You just ruin all that! You should simply stay rude and cruel to me as always, so I will never think of you again! I hate you!" I shout to myself at heart. Then soon I can't help and started to cry, and cry out loud in my bed....
I remember I bought a magazine with feature story of motorcycle during my trip to Shanghai last month, though I thought I will never contact him for the rest of my life, but after all, I still bought the magazine, for I know how much he love motorcycles. And I thought I might send him by post when I am back to Taipei. Though I told myself over one thousand time "No no no no no! How can you do that? You should stop being nice to him!" I have to admit his message makes me think it again if I should send it to him, but the answer is still.... "NO". Our story should really ends up here. It's endless torture, I had enough the humiliation he gave me.... I should really stop here. "No more, please don't hurt yourself anymore!" I told myself.
I cried not because I am still in love with him or missing him but cannot meet him again. I cried because I am such a miserable woman that there is one really loves me in my short life so far, no one wants me to be with him no matter how, hold me in his arm, swear to protect me, against odds, stick it to the end. Why the one I love always cannot be with me and have a family together?
Maybe I should give up the idea I will really meet someone for me and we will get married kinda things as my friends said. Then someday, somehow, if I still luckily to meet one, I will take it as the gift of God. A surpirse of life. Not everyone can have this precious gift from God.
Yes, "someone" can be "no one". It is not a must for everyone, it is a gift. If someday I am lucky enough to meet "someone". That is extraordinary.
